Japanese create Toilet Nirvana

Modern toilet seats in Japan are truly amazing feats of technology. Every time I visit Japan, I shake my head and imagine that Japanese people must have the cleanest, most hygienic back-sides in the world...not that I'm doing a close inspection, mind you.

These toilet seats are a little intimidating to many Westerners. The first time I saw one of these, I worried that I might be sitting down on a computer. (I guess "laptop computer" wouldn't be the proper name.) I worried a lot: was there a digital camera built in? Was it some form of automated acupuncture? I didn't dare push any of the buttons. In the end (so to speak) there was nothing to worry about.

These toilet seats feature some great technology. First, the seat is always warm -- a great feature in winter. Next, you can push a button so that the toilet makes a continuous flushing sound. This is very helpful for those shy people who don't want anyone else to hear them doing their toilet business. In small Japanese apartments and offices, this can be a crucial consideration. Before this invention, many Japanese women would continuously flush the toilet so nobody else could hear their body functions. Now, voila! One push of the button makes the sound of continuous flushing without the effort.

Naturally, the toilet seat goes down automatically after men are finished. No more fights about why the husband cannot remember to put the seat back down -- especially on a cold dark night.

The most amazing thing about the Japanese toilet seats is the automatic spray to clean your bottom. As soon as you finish your business, push a button and a small nozzle moves into place and sprays a jet of warm water. It's like an automatic car wash for your butt. Can you believe this? Sit down, do your business and then get washed off. For a long time, I couldn't trust this idea. I am a mountain climber and karate black belt. I am comfortable wandering in mountains, deserts, or floating down wild rivers. But for a long time I was afraid to try the spray nozzle. Finally I gathered my courage, puckered up my back-side, and gave it a shot. It wasn't so bad, rather pleasant actually. And it did a great job of cleaning those hard to reach areas. Suddenly there were no more automobile tire tracks in my shorts.

I must add a note of caution to first time users. I read about one American woman who sat down on one of these seats on her first evening in Tokyo. She had no idea what this thing was. Out of curiosity she pushed the button and, with no warning, she got sprayed on her backside. The poor woman was so shocked that she nearly jumped through the ceiling. There is an English saying that "curiosity killed the cat." In this instance, that saying almost came true.

The nozzle sprayers are supposed to prevent a whole host of health problems; such as hemorrhoids; colorectal, vaginal or perineal surgery; and soreness and bleeding of diarrhea. Amazing, don't you think? With these toilets, proctologists' jobs might come to an end. (yes, I know, their job already is at the end.)

Yes, the Japanese have invented toilet Nirvana, the best toilet seats in the world. However, they are never content with the status quo. Kaizen - the art of continuous improvement - is the driving philosophy of Japanese business. Japanese always strive to improve things, and toilet seats are no exception. Here are some of their recent improvements.

deodorizer: automatically removes the odor and smell from the toilet while you are sitting down. When I was a small child, I would have LOVED this feature after my dad spent 45 minutes sitting on the toilet. I was certain that the environmental protection agency would condemn our house if they could have pinpointed the source of those fumes.

warm air drier and perfume sprayer: yes, after your bottom is properly cleaned with the warm water jet, another nozzle will come out and dry you with warm air, scented with the perfume of your choice. I always wondered why so many Japanese women smell like Chanel number 5.

MP3 music player: the new toilet seats will play your favorite songs as soon as you sit down. No more need to listen to the sound of continuous flushing to drown out the sounds of your body functions. I can't wait to sit down on the toilet and relax while the toilet plays the AC-DC song "DIRTY DEEDS, DONE DIRT CHEAP!"

EMAIL: yes, you saw this correctly...email. Within a few years, these toilet seats will be able to monitor your toilet activity and email the results to your doctor, nurse, or health care professional. This is considered a huge help for sick elderly people who would otherwise be in a nursing home. The doctor would be able to monitor the patient's urinary and scatological activity without need to see each other...uh..er..face to face. OK. This sounds good for certain limited instances of poor health. But I would be terrified if the American government can spy on my bathroom activity. You see, I have a secret. After I do my business on the toilet I usually say something like, "For a small Bill Clinton flush once, for a large George Bush flush twice." I might be arrested for threatening to flush a president.

These toilet seats are very popular in Japan, installed in about 70% of homes. The price is not too terribly expensive: about US$500 to US$800, depending on the options. For some reason they are non-existant in the USA, even though these high-tech seats can easily be installed on American toilets. I'm thinking of buying one for my mom. I think it would be pretty cool to brag that my mother has the cleanest backside in the whole town of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico (population 7200 people). Not only that, my mother's farts smell like Chanel number 5. I'm just wondering if I should wait for the email feature to be available. On second thought, I better not wait. Mother's Day will be here soon.

Saint Patricks Day - Find an Irish Pub Today

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

I've found that where-ever you are in the world, you can always find some friendly faces and good conversation in an Irish pub. Somehow, like Johnny Appleseed, the Irish have sowed the seeds for Irish pubs in major cities all over the world. They are one of my favorite places to visit when I'm away from home.
Here's a hearty toast and shout-out of cheer to Austin, Suji, and all the gang at O'Brien's Irish Pub in Changwon Korea (www.obriens-bar.com ). You won't find a friendlier group of people anywhere in that part of the world.

These pictures are lifted from O-Brien's web site. Austin, I hope you don't mind. When in Changwon, remember to stop in and visit the gang and drink a pint or two of Guiness.

COSPLAY - The latest fashion trend in Japan

日本人コスプレー　Japanese Cosplay: Costume Playing

Last week I was walking around Tokyo and noticed the latest fashion trend - cosplay: short for costume play. Near the Akihabara train station, I saw several young girls dressed in the latest cosplay fashions. The one in these two pictures was hired to hand out facial tissues advertising an electronics store.

So far as I can tell, cosplay is primarily an invention of Japanese teenage girls, also known as kogyalu 子ギャル or "cool young girls." The young people in Japan drive new fashions, trends, and new developments in culture and language. Perhaps the same is true in many countries.

The Tokyo area of Harajuku is the best place to see people dressed in their cosplay outfits. Every weekend Harajuku is chock full of young people dressing in their best, most exotic cosplay clothes and make-up. Also there are usually 10 or 15 music bands playing loud music - pop, heavy metal, hip-hop, or rock. The bands are located close to each other. They play with the volume as loud as the amplifiers will go. And all play different songs simultaneously. The result is a fantastic chaotic wall of noise that only young people would love. But it is certainly worth seeing as a tourist.

Japanese people are famous for conformity, discipline, and loyalty to the common good. A famous Japanese saying is, "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down." I love the imagination and daring of these young girls to be the nails that stick up. I enjoy seeing people express their individuality and their love of fun and adventure.

I wonder when cosplay will migrate to other countries like America. Will my sister Angela allow her clever daughters to wander around Anchorage dressed like these cool girls? What would people in my home state of Wyoming think of girls wandering around town dressed like this?

Even more horrible to contemplate: what will happen when the cosplay trend is adopted by men in America? Would this man have an opportunity to be the next governor of California? You never know...California already elected two movie actors to Governor. Why not elect Cosplay Fred?

For the record: no this is not me in disguise.

The Lost Samurai returns "Home" to Japan

Lost in Translation is the only way to describe my limited language skills here in Japan. People start talking very fast, so I just nod my head and agree with anything that is said - even though I'm never sure what I just agreed with.

Tonight I didn't have that luxury...I had to talk for a long time in Japanese language. The Roaming American Ronin (me) was allowed to teach karate to a group who speak very little English - and I speak only limited Japanese. Fortunately I know all the Japanese words for punch, reverse punch, different stances, blocks, and kicks, and "kick your opponent's head, not his butt." Everything else was a blur. Fortunately everyone pretended to understand me.


Today I returned like a lost Samurai to my karate family: the Nakai Shihan dojo (school) in Saitama Japan. Our master is Mr. Nakai, his title is Shihan (master). We always call him Nakai Shihan or just Shihan - even when I meet Shihan at work. Here is the picture of tonight's karate group. For seven years now, I have been practicing karate with Nakai Shihan at every opportunity in Japan.
Good friends like these always teach me that friendship is more important than any amount of money. Sometimes my life starts to seem crazy and unbearable with my working travels. I wake up and wonder which city I am in this day. I start to become frustrated. That's when my friends and family come to my rescue. Today was a great example of friends and family helping restore order to my life. Once again I am calm and ready to attack life's challenges.

Desperate Housewives Korean style

Desperate Housewives, Korea version

"Desperate Housewives" is a growing real-life phenomenon here in Korea. Who can blame them? Men work long killer hours at work and then go out drinking after work with their coworkers or customers. Spending time with family or your wife, putting family as a top priority...these things are not part of Korean business culture. Women are expected to work in an office or sales job just long enough to find a husband and then stay home. Career opportunities in management, engineering, computers, or other high paying careers are virtually non-existent for women. Someday GIRL POWER feminism will arise. Until then, desperate housewives are a common phenomenon. I meet many of them in my stay over here.

Korea society is growing fast and changing quickly. 30 years ago Korea was a relatively poor country that was getting back on its feet after decades of domination by Japan and the later civil war. Now Korea has stepped up to be a world leader with a thoroughly modern society, the world's 11th largest economy, companies like Hyundai and Samsung that rival the world's best, and a leadership role in Asia for movies, TV dramas and music.

How did Korea accomplish such an amazing transformation? The old fashioned way: through lots of hard work and sacrificing together as a society to re-build the whole country. This truly is an amazing accomplishment.

As happens everywhere, rapid change has good and bad effects. Korean traditional values and family-oriented lifestyles have suffered. Traditional Korean arts are being lost. Divorce rates are up, family satisfaction is down. Many men are unhappy working killer hours...but they have little choice. Many women are unhappy to have little choice other than stay home or have a low-paying office or retail job.

Yesterday was a holiday and I went out to a tourist site with my good friend Mr. Kim. We had a great time. On the way back I encouraged him to buy some flowers for his wife when he returns home, as a way to say "Thank you" for giving up her time with her husband to spend a day with the Crazy Foreigner. Mr. Kim looked puzzled and said, "Bringing flowers is not a Korean style. That might not work." Hmmm.... I wonder. I suspect wives are similar all over the world: simple "thank you" gifts can go a long way.

Naturally this gives me a hard reminder. I have my own beautiful wonderful wife. I am away from home far too much. I better remember to show her every day how much I appreciate her and miss her. Time for me to send off a nice electronic love card and place a long distance phone call to the best wife in the world - mine.

Dreaming of Pyongyang

Dreaming of Pyongyang and Disneyland North Korea

I’m back in Changwon Korea again. Changwon, the young industrial city designed to be a modern model of Canberra Australia. Few foreigners observe any resemblance to an Australian city save for the downtown location of the Canberra Hotel and Outback Steakhouse. But a deeper dig under the surface reveals Changwon’s differences from traditional Korean cities: streets that are straight and wide, numerous parks and open spaces, convenient access to shopping, museums, and transportation. Taking the time to look under surface appearances is the best way to enjoy the traveling life.

Whenever I am in Korea, I dream of Pyongyang and North Korea. The attitude here is far different than I ever suspected. Our American government and leaders are intent on painting North Korea as a rogue nation that must be brought back to the community of nations. Whenever I come to Korea I have the surface idea of millions of people worried about a possible catastrophic war starting again. Both sides of Korea would be devastated within days. I arrive here worried about that. But I sense no worry among the people of South Korea.

The people here are not so worried. Hundreds of thousands of people are moving into homes adjacent to the DMZ. Tank traps are being removed. Life goes on. Korea is growing quickly and evolving into a fully modern country. People here know that there is only one Korea. North and South Korea will be reunited soon. How soon is soon? Ten years? Twenty years? Fifty years? No one knows the time, but soon. Korea has a 5000 year written history. The two Koreas have been separated for 50 years. 50 years is like the blink of an eye, only 1%, of Korea’s long history. For Americans, 20 years is a long time. For Korea, 20 years is soon.

In the meantime, most Koreans know it would be tragic to fight a war and kill their brothers and sisters, cousins, nephews, aunts and uncles on the other side. Somehow war must be averted while we wait for the inevitable reunification. South Korea’s military has all the latest technology and is fully armed, trained, and prepared to prevent hostilities. In the meantime, Korea calmly waits and prepares, like Germany 20 years ago, for the happy day when the two regions unite again.

So I dream of Pyongyang. I dream of touring Pyongyang, visiting the historical sites in the northern part of Korea. I dream that hopefully I can take a small role to participate in building new factories and companies that provide good jobs to that impoverished region. Soon my dream will come true…10 years, 20 years, 50 yearss, or some other blink of an eye in Korea’s long lifetime.