Terror of the Green Numbers, a story-teller better than me!

三寸不 爛之 舌

The Terror of the Green Numbers - or how to cope with Italian customer service.

Last night we enjoyed dinner in Torino with a great Italian guy named Patricio. Patricio is a natural born salesman and story teller with a tremendous passion for life. He tells far more and better stories than me. And he talks emphatically with his hands and facial gestures the whole time.

Patricio started by giving us a history of Italian food dating back more than a thousand years and catalogued by regions of Italy. Each region of Italy has its own delicious specialty of food. Patricio ticked off each one - exquisite pizza from Napoli, beef with tuna/caper/mayonaisse sauce from Piemonte, and so forth. The Master taught us that many "traditional" Italian foods were brought from elsewhere - tomatoes and tomato sauce, corn, potatoes all came from elsewhere. We learned that eating the best food is a total body experience for nearly every sense - touch, smell, sight, and taste. Eating should never be hurried, but instead savored. The Italian passion for food is perhaps unequalled anywhere in the world.

Then Patricio regaled us with stories of interesting customer service, or lack thereof, in Italy. For many generations Italian businesses were monopolies - you either accepted bad service or you went without necessary things. Therefore most people in Italy simply accept bad service with silent disdain. Not Patricio. His friends call him The Terror of the Green Numbers. In Italy, toll-free customer complaint numbers are displayed in green print on various tickets and packages. Patricio is famous for calling the green numbers and complaining about bad service. Sticking his chin out proudly and waving his hand through the air, he said, "I only have two choices with bad service. 1. Accept it with a smile through my teeth and say THANK YOU. or 2. Take my gun and kill them. Alore (Italian for well, then)- I don't normally carry a gun. So I choose option 3: call the green number for customer service and complain."

One of his stories involved a flight to USA with his mother. Their flight on Alitalia air lines was at 11 AM, leaving Milan airport for America. Patricio had selected seats specially so that his mother and he could sit together on the long flight. To make this flight, they used Alitalia's bus service from Torino to Milan, checking in at 6 AM. The Alitalia ticket agent said that her computer terminal was broken, she could not check them in to to the flight. She suggested they could check in at the Milan airport. Patricio and his mother took the bus to Milan, arriving at about 9:30 or 10. When they went to check in at the airport, they were told that their seats were no longer available. Patricio must sit in row 19 and his mother in row 35. Patricio complained and complained, saying that they must sit together. The ticket agent suggested that they should have checked in earlier - not checking in with only 1 hour until boarding. The ticket agent was unconcerned that they had actually tried to check in at 6 AM. The fault was Alitalia's but the ticket agent didn't care. Patricio and his mother could simply accept this bad service or not fly.

Patricio found Alitalia's green phone number and called the customer complaint department. With a stroke of luck, he managed to get the manager on the phone and complained quite loudly. The manager apologized and said she will do something for them. When Patricio and his mother reached the check-in line, they had been upgraded to business class in adjacent seats. The GREEN NUMBER worked much better than strangling the ticket agent.

When they returned from their vacation, Patricio noticed that his frequent flier miles were for economy class miles - which was what they actually paid for. Once again he called the green number to complain - couldn't they see that he and his mother had flown business class? (What courage!) Alitalia corrected the "mistake" and credited his account with double the miles. With these extra miles, Patricio was able to take a vacation with his wife. The Terror of the Green Numbers won again!