English Language Lesson: Conspiracy Theory

This is one of a series of English language lessons for my friends around the world. I'm not a teacher. I just like to tell good stories.

The English Lesson for today is the phrase “Conspiracy Theory.”

Conspiracy Theory is a theory or plan about the “actual” reason why some event occurred – usually it was caused by an evil plan launched by a powerful government, company, or organization. For instance, one popular conspiracy theory is that the American President George Bush invaded Iraq because the Israel government ordered him to do so. Is that true? Who knows?

I love conspiracy theories because they don’t need any basis in truth. Wilder and crazier is better. People who believe in conspiracy theories search for their own version of truth. Many times, lack of facts only provides more support for their beliefs.

Here are some current conspiracy theories:

Conspiracy Theory 1: The 2008 Beijing Olympics Mascot Conspiracy

The Olympic Mascots were secretly introduced to Beijing as a plot by the American government to corrupt China from within. Most Beijing people dislike the mascots, but they don’t know the real truth – these are American spies working on a secret mission.

The Beijing government has been trying to capture the mascots and question them. Unfortunately, they seem to have disappeared into the foreign people community. When asked about this, an unidentified government official replied:

MASCOT’s ability to blend into foreign communities is uncanny. How are we
meant to tell who they are? All foreigners look alike when they are trying to
destroy the Chinese way of life. Even the bright green ones.

Read more about the Beijing Mascot Conspiracy Theory at the Angry Chinese Blogger at http://angrychineseblogger.blog-city.com/the_great_mascot_conspiracy.htm You will laugh all the way through this great story.

Conspiracy Theory 2: America invaded Iraq to gain control over the world’s oil

Most people around the world believe this conspiracy theory: America invaded Iraq to gain control over a large portion of the world’s oil supply. The George Bush administration continues to deny it. However, their reason for going to war changes every few months. While researching this English lesson, I called a high ranking government official to confirm or deny their current reason for going to war.

There is absolutely no truth to the ridiculous notion that America went to war
to gain control of oil and make President Bush’s friends rich. After several
years of intensive searching through the complete country, now we can say with
100% certainty that there was not a single McDonald’s restaurant or Starbucks
coffee shop in Iraq. Saddam Hussein was mistreating his people badly. Now after
the democratic elections, Iraq’s people will have the freedom to eat cheap
American food and expensive American coffee of their choice. --- Anonymous
American government official.

Conspiracy Theory 3: Japanese caused the failure of Korea’s DNA Stem Cell Research

Recently the famous Korean DNA scientist Hwang Woo-suk has been embroiled in terrible controversy and was forced to withdraw his famous research document from the magazine Science. For years, Dr. Hwang was very successful to clone a dog and also created a clone of a human embryo. However, it looks like his latest results were forged or fabricated. The Korean science community and government are in an uproar.

The real people who caused Dr. Hwang’s disgrace? Japanese scientists. Many years ago, secret Japanese government scientists worked with UFO Aliens from outer space to perfect DNA cloning. They feared that Dr. Hwang might be close to learning the true secret about Japanese DNA research: Prime Minister Koizumi is actually an artificial SUPER HUMAN, a cloned combination of DNA from Elvis Presley and a UFO Space Alien from another planet.
To prevent discovery of Koizumi’s secret, the Japanese organization contaminated the Korean DNA research results and planted the rumors that caused the disgrace.

Are there any facts to support these conspiracy theories? Of course not. Governments are far too intelligent and powerful to allow any facts to surface. Lack of facts, good speculation, plausible story -- that’s what makes a really good conspiracy theory.

Your English lesson is to think of current events and write a conspiracy theory. Don’t worry about facts, just do like me: take a few small facts and dream up a big exaggeration!