The Incident at Broke Bottle Mountain

The Incident at Broke Bottle Mountain

The current movie “Brokeback Mountain” reminds me of my time growing up in the beautiful cowboy country of Wyoming. I remember it fondly save for the time I accidentally started an international incident that threatened to tear the very fabric of diplomatic ties between America and France. It became widely known as The Incident at Broke Bottle Mountain.

The whole adventure started innocently enough. My friend Billy Cross and I planned to go on a week-long camping trip in the Wyoming mountains. As usual, we used painstaking care to plan a well balanced menu: 8 boxes of macaroni and cheese, 14 envelopes of instant oatmeal, 148 chocolate bars, and seven 24-pack cases of beer. We took along our fishing gear and small .22 caliber rifles, planning to supplement our food with fish and have some fun shooting at targets. All in all it was a typical camping trip for young men in America’s Rocky Mountain region.

We drove far up into the mountains on boulder strewn dirt roads that proved to be easy for my 1967 Volkswagen van, fondly named “Babe Magnet” for its ability to attract beautiful women. We paused at one point to admire the magnificent view. Before starting off again, I spotted an old relic that I just had to have. Smiling a little bit, Billy watched me load it into Babe Magnet and said, “Next time we should use thicker wire to tie that bumper in place.”

After Babe Magnet crawled over miles of steep roads, we finally reached our camping site on a beautiful lake. The next few days we enjoyed camping, fishing, exploring the hiking trails, shooting our rifles at targets, and sitting around blazing bonfires at night telling stories and lies to each other and our fellow campers we met. We had a fantastic time until disaster struck on the fourth day – we ran out of beer. Who would have guessed that 168 cans of beer wouldn’t be enough?

Cursing ourselves for poor judgment, we tied the bumper back on Babe Magnet and drove back to a local bar for more supplies. The bar turned out to be a typical establishment in cowboy country. It was a simple wooden bar with a dirt floor, dogs wandering around the place, and deer and elk heads displayed proudly on the walls. During the day it was nearly empty and at night it was filled with people who drove over from a 50 mile radius. We asked the bartender what he had for sale. He answered, “I got the usual: Coors beer, whiskey, and tequila.” Billy and I examined our meager finances and said, “Great. Sell us whatever you have that’s cheap.”

We loaded up with 3 more cases of beer and were preparing to leave when the bartender said, “Are you guys interested in some wine? I got some stuff left over from a foreign guy who stayed here. No one around here will touch the stuff. I’ll sell it to you real cheap.” We looked over the bottles and they had strange names like Gamais Beujoulais, Pinot Noir, and Cabernet Sauvignon. The names didn’t sound nearly as good as Jack Daniels, but we figured alcohol is alcohol. We said, “OK. Give us 4 bottles, we’ll pay you a dollar each.” Sold!

We drove a few miles and then took a break and decided to try one of the bottles of wine. We quickly discovered that the bottles had corks instead of the usual screw tops. No wonder the bartender sold them so cheap. How were we supposed to get those bottles open? Billy quickly came up with a great suggestion: let’s shoot the necks off with our rifles.

Moving off the side of the road, we set 2 of the bottles on a flat rock and got out our rifles. My shot was first. Carefully I aimed at the top of the bottle on the right, relaxed my body, paused breathing, and gently squeezed the trigger. BAM! I was exactly on target, only a little bit off. The bottle on the left exploded as the bullet shattered right through the center.

Suddenly from behind us we heard some yelling and cursing in a foreign language. A foreign tourist came running up asking what we were doing? He examined the 3 remaining bottles and yelled, “Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!” Quickly we prepared for a fight and informed him that we wouldn’t stand for people calling us bad names, no matter what language.

The tourist calmed down a little bit, but not much. He identified himself as French. He exclaimed loudly that we should NEVER shoot a fine bottle of French wine. It was sacrilege, horrible, an insult to the whole nation of France. What were we possibly thinking? Quickly he grabbed the remaining bottles of wine, threw $40 at us, climbed into his Jeep and roared off.

We couldn’t believe our luck! What a stupid French tourist, paying us $40 for 3 bottles of wine we bought for 1 dollar each. We climbed back into Babe Magnet and returned to the bar to buy some more cases of beer. Satisfied, we returned to camp.

The rest of the trip went uneventfully until we returned to town. As soon as we reached the town limits, we were mobbed by reporters and the local sheriff. It turned out that the French tourist was a famous French business man. He had started an international scandal and he demanded an investigation into the intentional shooting of French wines by Americans. The reporters mobbed us and asked us about the whole thing, what they called “The Incident at Broke Bottle Mountain.” Climbing on top of Babe Magnet, we held a brief press conference. The questions seemed endless:

Q: Why did you wait 3 days to report this incident to the local police?
A: We had priorities. First we had to finish our beer. Second, we had to wire the bumper back onto my van.

Q: Do you often shoot bottles of alcohol?
A: Only in self defense. But to tell you the truth, we are really bad shots. Usually we miss the target.

Q: Would this incident have been more serious if someone had died?
A: What? Are you serious?

Q: Why did you wait 3 days to report this incident?
A: Didn’t I already answer this question?

Finally the reporters finished their questions and ran to be the first to get their stories out. The local sheriff invited us to the bar and bought some beer and hamburgers. He told us that while we were gone this whole thing became a huge international scandal. There were widespread demonstrations and protests in France denouncing the unacceptable desecration of France’s National Symbol, great wines! The French President demanded an official apology from the American government and suggested that the American cowboy (me) should be thrown in prison. Boycotts were organized, cars were burned, and the American embassy was surrounded by angry mobs. France approached a state of total chaos until the protesters went on strike to demand higher wages and more time off.

Looking back at the whole sad story, I almost hate to admit my role in this unfortunate international scandal. France and America might still be living in peace and harmony. If only I had packed a corkscrew, the Incident at Broke Bottle Mountain would never have occurred.

California - The World's Melting Pot

California's most striking feature is its diversity. The land includes ocean beaches, barren deserts, lush rain forests, and high mountain peaks. It is easy to go ocean surfing and snow skiing in the same day. The same diversity holds true for people. The people who visit and live in California come from every part of the world. I love going to a shopping mall, to Universal Studios, or Disneyland. In one small area it is easy to see people from all over the world mingling peacefully without problem. I enjoy the cacophony of hearing 40 or more different languages being spoken while I wander through the crowds.

Wandering through crowds and observing, I wonder about the collective energy of this diverse group of people. What are the fascinating stories these people must have? What do they think? Do they love their children more or less than other nationalities? What masterpieces, new technology, and cities will be built by these people, their children, and their next generations? How will the world's people mingle and mix in the coming century? In 100 years, 500 years, will we all live in peace, speak the same language, and share a common culture? This is the stuff that science fiction writers and writers about the future thrive on.

Recently I enjoyed going to Universal Studios in Hollywood with some of my Chinese friends. This entertainment park, similar to Disneyland, is one of the major melting pots of people in the world. We saw people from everywhere and heard languages from around the world. Sometimes it became a little confusing.

My friend Mr. Zhao is a prime example of the diversity we encounter. This was his first trip outside China. He loved Universal Studios and Disneyland. I didn't know he spoke very much English and usually communicated with my limited Chinese language. We left him alone for a few minutes to purchase lunch. When we returned he was chatting happily in English with a university student from Mexico. What a surprise! The young guy was happy and friendly so we invited him to eat lunch with us. Quickly Mr. Zhao was anxious to try his English language skills on the many beautiful women in the crowds. Alas, we didn't get to make their acquaintance. Maybe next time...

Traveling - The Good and Bad

Like many people in business these days, my life has evolved into a frantic routine of frequent travel around the world. Many times I want to stop and settle down. But then when I go for 2 or 3 months in the same place, I get itchy feet. I get bored and start looking for a new adventure. How did I get this way?

International travel has fantastic benefits. I observe and meet many great people around the world. I learn about new cultures, politics, different languages. Travel allows me to make fantastic friends, learn many amazing things, and broaden my horizons past my small area where I grew up. Growing up in a cowboy state, I never had any hint that someday I would learn how to speak Japanese and Chinese languages. I never new that I would learn to navigate the subways in Tokyo and Beijing - without a guide - almost as well as the highways in my home state. I have walked along Hadrian's wall and dined in English castles. The cobblestone streets around Paris' Notre Dame were soaked in history, culture, and fashion. In a sidewalk cafe in front of Notre Dame, I drank wine and imagined how many heads rolled off a guillotine in the Plaza during the French revolution. China and Japan and Korea are fascinating to me because I am always lost. I am drawn to the challenge of learning how to communicate and do business with people who think so differently from me. I got a tremendous thrill when I learned to speak and read enough to travel around Japan and go sightseeing by myself without a translator.

International travel is tremendously rewarding. But it is also very challenging. It is impossible to establish a daily routine. Patience is the first rule for succes. How can I join a club or get involved in many activities when I am often somewhere else? Few people realize how many times I arrive at my hotel or home at midnight, and yet must be ready for work at 7 AM the next morning. I hate airports and airplanes - sitting in one place for many hours is very painful for all the past injuries I sustained in my adventurous younger life. Travel delays and long hours of waiting are standard fare. So is sickness from bad food or cold weather. If I forget something or lose something, am I sure I can find a replacement? For instance, if I buy medicine in a foreign land, am I sure I bought the proper stuff? The biggest problem is the constant fatigue. I am usually tired from not getting enough sleep, and yet must somehow maintain good humor and patience in long meetings and difficult negotiations. Loneliness is my other problem. I am too often removed from my wonderful Jane, my good friends and family. Sitting in a hotel room at 2 AM, staring at a television show I cannot understand. Sometimes I wonder why I do all this.

The best way for success in any endeavor is to concentrate on the positive aspects. Yes, there are always negative aspects to anything, and we must recognize and deal with them. But I prefer to focus on the positive things. This helps maintain my sanity and success. No question about it, my life has had far more rewards than penalties. God has showered me with good fortune and good friends. He has allowed me to contribute a small part to creating good jobs and improving lives and technology in different parts of the world. Someday my goal is to find a balance for travel - to have homes in different places where I am comfortable; in Asia and also in America. I want a weekend or holiday home in the mountains where I can relax in my comfort zone.

I deal with the stress and fatigue of travel by observing people and gathering stories about the good times I have. I love to tell stories. For nearly my whole life, writing and telling stories has been one of my safety valves, the way to release steam. I can't write much about my business because my customers trust me to keep their various secrets. Therefore I tell stories about my adventures, new languages, drinking beer, and singing karaoke. I've been writing stories for many years, but now this blog offers a faster, more efficient way to share the stories with my friends and family.

Recently I was told that this blog is unprofessional and presents the wrong message to my customers. I am a company president and engineer doing important work, but the blog shows that I am interested only in having fun around the world. Hmm...how do I respond to that? Albert Einstein was a brilliant physicist, but his first love was playing the violin. The great French mathematician Poincare discovered a completely new system of geometry while on vacation in South America. Everyone needs a safety valve, a way to release steam, to stay effective. I am not brilliant like Einstein, but who cares? I just do this for enjoyment.

So here I am again, writing this blog instead of working like a dog. No problem. I'll get to work later. Now it's time to relax, go to the beach, do some karate exercises, and enjoy a Sunday with my wonderful wife and some of our friends. Work can wait a little bit.

Return to the Rocky Mountains

落 葉 歸 根 Falling Leaves Return to their Roots

This last week I got the pleasure to return to the Rocky Mountains, Salt Lake City, even if just for a couple of days. I was here on business as a guest speaker to provide a lecture at an international seminar on my area of technology. Even though I could only spend a couple days there, I felt tremendously energized by the sight of familiar mountains - my silent but mighty friends. I took the opportunity to get up into the mountains at night to watch some night skiing and enjoy dinner with some of my customers.

This little building is at Solitude Ski Resort above Salt Lake City. It has 20 Km of cross country ski trails that I love to traverse during winter or summer. At night there is a special dinner at a yurt - a Mongolian tent house - where you ski or snowshoe about 2 Km to get to the yurt restaurant. Traveling in the forest under moonlight to get to a fantastic dinner in a small yurt. It is truly a fantastic experience. I need to bring Wonderful Jane there soon.

This night we were a little bit too late to enjoy the yurt restaurant. We ate at a regular restaurant instead inside a very rustic log building. The night was beautiful, the air was crispy cold, I was ready to strap on skis or snowshoes and go for about 10 Km into the night air. Maybe next time...

My heart will always belong in the mountains and the desert. I can't wait to return.

Deja Vu all over again

It's amazing to watch the Olympics on TV and see so many familiar places where we recently visited. Somehow I have a strange feeling that I am a participant, not just a far-away observer. I was in Salt Lake City for the 2002 Winter Olympics, and now I just missed the Torino Olympics by a few days. I wish I was there! I want to fly head-first down the skeleton track and soar above the snowboard half pipe. I want to enjoy the fine wine and foods, the international gathering of goodwill that surrounds the Olympics. I think I need to find a way to go to Beijing in 2008.

Never Grow Old Peak - Bardonecchia Italy

不老峰 - Never Grow Old Peak
The Chinese name for the mountain town of Bardonecchia Italy

Chinese language has a magical way of finding the best way to draw a good picture for names, even for foreign people and places.

Here I am enjoying the sun in "Never Grow Old Peak", sitting on the remains of a castle built in the 1300's. I hope my heart and spirit never grow old.